Mountain View Independent Methodist Church
Saturday, August 08, 2020
God is good ALL the time... and ALL the time, God is good!!

Year 2013 - October thru December

+++ The Christian Banner - December 2013 +++
The Real Meaning of Christmas
Written by: Martha Noebel
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It's that time of year again. December has come and with it all the joys of Christmas. But what is the real meaning of Christmas? Is it the gifts under the tree, the lights in the windows, the cards in the mail, turkey dinners with family and friends, snow in the yard, stockings hanging in the living room, and shouts of "Merry Christmas" to those who pass us in the streets? Is this really Christmas?
For many people, Christmas is a time of sorrow. They don't have the extra money to buy presents for their children, family, and friends. Many are saddened at Christmas time when they think of their loved ones who will not be able to come home for various reasons. Turkey dinners may be only a wish and not a reality for some.
Yet, Christmas can be a season of great joy. It is a time of God showing His great love for us. It can be a time of healing and renewed strength. You see, Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of the Christ child. God sent His Son, Jesus, into the world to be born. His birth brought great joy to the world. Shepherds, wise men, and angels all shared in the excitement of knowing about this great event. They knew this was no ordinary baby. The prophets had told of His coming hundreds of years before. The star stopped over Bethlehem just to mark the way for those who were looking for this special child.
Why did He come? Why did God send His son to this sometimes cruel and hard world? He sent Jesus to us so that one day, He would grow up to become a very important part of history. His story (history) is one of truth, love, and hope. It brought salvation to all of us. Without Jesus, we would all die in our sins.
Jesus was born so one day the price could be paid for the things we have done that are wrong. The Bible says that all have sinned. We are all born with a sin nature. We do things that do not please God. Through the sins of Adam and Eve, we have all inherited that sin nature. We need to have that removed. The only way is through Jesus. Jesus came so He could die on the cross for ALL of our sins. If we believe that Jesus died for our sins, we can ask Him to come into our hearts and forgive us. Then, we are clean and made whole. We can know that heaven is a place where we can go to when this life is over.
We can truly be happy at Christmas! No matter what may be happening, we can know that we are His children. We then become sons and daughters of God. Heaven will be our home one day. Look at Christmas in a new way this year. This is the year to invite Jesus into your heart. You will then have a "Merry Christmas." The joy and peace you will receive will last all year as you look to God for all your needs to be met.
Jesus Is The Reason For The Season! Rejoice!
Remembering Alice Harrelson
Written by: Pat Lewallen
Tuesday, 11/26/2013
I received the call this morning that Alice Harrelson had just passed away. She was a precious friend to me and the entire congregation at Mountain View Church. I remember the countless times she would stand and tell us how much she loved the Lord, her family, and everyone at our church. She never failed to mention that she was so grateful for our Pastor and our singers and what a blessing her entire church family was to her.
Alice would meet with us in the Ladies Prayer Room before Sunday morning services. I would ask Alice how she was doing. She would always reply, “I’m doing all right for an old woman.” I know that Alice is doing just fine now. She’s at home in Heaven with Jesus and she’s free for all eternity from earthly troubles, trials, sickness and pain.
I’m so grateful to Alice for leaving me with such glorious memories of her Christian testimony. Below is a poem she gave me to put in the April 2011 issue of the Christian Banner. A friend had given her a copy of this poem many years ago. Alice cherished the poem. It makes a beautiful keepsake to Mountain View Church from Alice.
The Cross in my Pocket
Written by: Verna Mae Thomas
Submitted by: Alice Harrelson
I carry a cross in my pocket
A simple reminder to me
Of the fact that I am a Christian
No matter where I may be.
This little cross is not magic
Nor is it a good luck charm
It isn't meant to protect me
From every physical harm.
It's not for identification
For all the world to see
It’s simply an understanding
Between my Savior and me.
When I put my hand in my pocket
To bring out a coin or a key
The cross is there to remind me
Of the price He paid for me.
It reminds me too, to be thankful
For my blessings day by day
And to strive to serve Him better
In all that I do and say.
It’s also a daily reminder
Of the peace and comfort I share
With all who know my Master
And give themselves to His care.
So, I carry a cross in my pocket
Reminding no one but me
That Jesus Christ is Lord of my life
If only I'll let Him be.
The Christmas Story of Long Ago
Written & submitted by: Irene Wright
The Christmas story we often hear
Never grows old year after year
A story told so long ago
Yet all the characters, we seem to know
Sheep grazing under the moonlight
As shepherds kept a watchful eye during the night
Gathered by the campfire, telling stories of old
Little did they know, the greatest story was about to unfold
For an Angel of the LORD did appear
And said “you have nothing to fear”
For only good news do I bring!
A Virgin shall give birth to a King!
You shall know this is true
For I shall give a sign unto you
Ye shall find the Babe lying on a bed of hay
For Mary and Joseph had no place to stay
A King indeed you shall find
But you must keep this in mind
No crowns, no robes, no feast for a King’s table
For this King shall be born in a crude old stable!
And three Wisemen from afar
Were guided by a bright and shining star
And as the star came to rest upon the Babe’s tiny face
The Wisemen were filled with grace
Laying gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh at his feet
Heaven’s Choir must have sounded so sweet
But not all the world would rejoice
For King Herod has raised his voice
Wanting this Child to die
He told the Wisemen a lie
And because they chose a different path
This tiny Babe avoided King Herod’s wrath
Telling the good news far and wide
Filled their hearts with pride
“The only blind person at Christmastime is he who has not Christmas in his heart.”
--Helen Keller
The very purpose of Christ's coming into the world was that He might offer up His life as a sacrifice for the sins of men. He came to die. This is the heart of Christmas.
--Rev. Billy Graham
You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look up into the Father's face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift.
--Dr. John R. Rice
The Top 5 Regrets of Dying People
Written by: Amy Froneman
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If today were your last day on earth, what would be your biggest regret? A palliative care nurse who has spent many years counseling people on their deathbeds has written a very moving book which lists the five most common regrets most people revealed during their last days.
The Australian nurse, Bronnie Ware, recorded the dying epiphanies in a blog called "Inspiration and Chai", which she later converted into a book called “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”
Here are the top five regrets:
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Ware says this was the most common sentiment in all the people she counseled and said that as they looked back on their life they realized how many of their own dreams had not been fulfilled. She says, “Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
This profound regret was top of the list for all of Ware’s male patients as they regretted spending more time working than with their families. “All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Ware says that many of her patients regretted not revealing their true feelings about certain situations, and therefore living a life that wasn’t truly reflective of who they were. Sadly, she says that many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Many patients expressed regret that they had lost touch with old friends over the years, being so caught up in their own life that they had let good relationships slide. “Everyone misses their friends when they are dying," says Ware.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Ware says this regret was very common in all her patients as “they didn’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice".  She adds that many of them feared change too much to change their life, and stayed in their comfort zones, which at the end of the day, didn’t leave them fulfilled – or happy.
“God hath given to man a short time here upon earth, and yet upon this short time eternity depends.” - Jeremy Taylor
“There is an essential difference between the decease of the godly and the death of the ungodly. Death comes to the ungodly man as a penal infliction, but to the righteous as a summons to his Father’s palace. To the sinner it is an execution, to the saint an undressing from his sins and infirmities. Death to the wicked is the King of terrors. Death to the saint is the end of terrors, the commencement of glory.” – Rev. C. H. Spurgeon
“If people can ignore what the Bible calls sin, then they can quite logically discount what it says about the reality of hell.” – Rev. Billy Graham
“Eternity to the godly is a day that has no sunset; eternity to the wicked is a night that has no sunrise.” – Rev. Thomas Watson
May God bless you with a wonderful and Merry Christmas this year!
+++ The Christian Banner - November 2013 +++
Billy Graham Sounds Alarm for 2nd Coming, Published 10/20/13
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In an exclusive email interview with WND, Graham, 94, who is giving what may be his last message to the world as part of the My Hope America with Billy Graham evangelistic outreach in early November, said the world is “coming toward the end of the age.”
“There’s a great deal to say in the Bible about the signs we’re to watch for and when these signs all converge at one place we can be sure that we’re close to the end of the age,” Graham wrote. “And those signs, in my judgment, are converging now for the first time since Jesus made those predictions.”
In his new book, “The Reason for My Hope: Salvation,” the famed preacher who has delivered the gospel message to more people face-to-face than anyone in history wrote the great hope of the Christian faith rests in the promised return of Christ.
Graham said he now has a burden for “sounding the alarm for humanity to repent and turn from their sin … just as Noah did in ancient days.”
“God keeps his promises, and this is why we can be sure that the return of Christ is near,” Graham said. “Scripture tells us that there will be signs pointing toward the return of the Lord. I believe all these signs are evident today.”
In what the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association describes as the largest outreach in its six-decade history, Graham will give a dynamic and poignant pre-recorded message the week of Nov. 7, his 95th birthday. The My Hope programs will be available for viewing online and on YouTube. The Cross, the primary program in the My Hope series, will be broadcast on the Fox News channel, TBN, Christian networks and local television stations in a number of cities.
The event follows an open letter Graham released in the summer of 2012 titled “My Heart Aches for America.”
In the letter, Graham wondered what his late wife, Ruth, would think of a nation in which “self-centered indulgence, pride and a lack of shame over sin are now emblems of the American lifestyle.”
Graham compared America to the ancient city of Nineveh, the lone superpower of its time. When the prophet Jonah finally traveled to Nineveh and proclaimed God’s warning, the people repented and escaped judgment, Graham wrote, adding he believes the same thing could happen today.
Get Out of That Comfort Zone!
Written and submitted by: Richard Lewallen
These aren’t the words we want to hear. We will have to admit they are the words many Christians need to hear! Abraham was called out of his comfort zone. God told Abraham to get out of his country and leave his kindred. Abraham, the father of faith, did not question God.
Genesis 12:1-5 (KJV):
Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee: And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran. And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
God may call you and me out of our comfort zone. If He does, Abraham has shown us what we must do – obey! As God calls us out of comfort zones, He also challenges us to enter comfort zones.
Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV):
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
When I lay down at night to sleep, what a wonderful comfort zone to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, my name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. Think of all the comfort zones God blesses us with here at Mountain View Church. We enter a comfort zone as we listen to the singing of the Hunt Family and our younger singers. Our altar is always open as a comfort zone. Truly our whole church family is a comfort zone as we draw strength from each other.
When comfort can be found no where else, the Bible can meet the need. At the passing of a loved one, when there simply is no answer, we find ourselves clinging to a special verse of scripture. That verse becomes our comfort zone. The Bible tells us that God is the God of all comfort.
II Corinthians 1:3 (KJV):
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort.
Let God be the judge of what comfort zone you need to be in or out of today.
Don’t point a finger, lend a helping hand.
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.  The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started singing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Why Do We Pray Before Eating Meals?
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Christians frequently pray before meals, giving thanks to God for the food we are about to eat. Pre-meal prayers can be a simple “thank-you” to God for the meal or lengthier prayers of thanksgiving for all of His provisions in our lives. In praying before meals, we are following the example of the Lord Jesus, whose prayers on several occasions are our model.

In the two instances where Jesus miraculously fed multitudes of people with a few loaves and fish, He “gave thanks” (Matthew 14:19-21; 15:34-36). In the first instance, He fed 5000 men, plus women and children, with five loaves of bread and two fish. In the second, He fed over 4000 with seven loaves and a few fish. At the Last Supper, Jesus again set the example of thanksgiving. When He passed the cup and the bread to His disciples, telling them to eat and drink these elements which were symbols of His body and blood, He gave thanks. When He appeared to the two men on the road to Emmaus after His resurrection, He stopped briefly to eat with them, and “took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them” (Luke 24:30).

The apostle Paul continued this example of praying before eating, as recorded in Acts 27. In this instance, Paul was on a ship with 276 other people when a hurricane battered the ship. After fourteen days of not eating, Paul exhorted the sailors and other passengers to eat something in order to survive. He “took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all” (Acts 27:35). Even in spite of the danger and terrible circumstances, Paul paused to give thanks to God before the meal.

When we thank God for providing our daily bread, we are acknowledging that all things come from Him (Ephesians 5:20; Romans 11:36). He is the source of everything we have, and praying before meals as a habit helps to remind us of that truth. Praying before we eat with a thankful heart brings glory to God and centers our minds on His great love for His children and the blessings He bestows on those who belong to Him.
My Answer by Rev. Billy Graham
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Question: Is it wrong to get angry at God? I've been through some very hard times recently and I feel like God has let me down. I'd like to get past this, I guess, but right now I can't help feeling angry at God. — A.N.
Answer: The real question is this: Will God get angry at you if you get angry at Him, and refuse to have anything more to do with you? The answer is "No"! Even when we're angry at Him, He still loves us and yearns for us to turn to Him for the comfort and encouragement we need. And that's what I pray you will do.

Do you remember the prophet Jonah in the Old Testament? Some have called him "the reluctant prophet," because he tried to flee when God called him to preach to his enemies. Later (after God sent a large fish to stop his flight), he reluctantly obeyed God and preached to his enemies. To his surprise they repented and turned to God. He should have rejoiced - but instead "Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry" (Jonah 4:1). Gently God explained to him that He loved even Jonah's enemies - and so should Jonah.

What is the point? Simply this: Jonah was angry at God - but God didn't reject him. Instead, Jonah needed to learn to trust God, even if he didn't like what was going on. Perhaps this is one of the lessons God wants to teach you.
Life doesn't always go the way we want it to. But God still loves us; He loves us so much that He sent His only Son into the world to die for us. Put your life into Christ's hands, and then ask God to help you begin to trust Him, no matter what happens to you.
Thank you Lord for a Good Day
Written by: Pat Lewallen
Dementia is a cruel and very discouraging disease. It’s especially cruel when someone you love suffers from it. My mother struggles daily with dementia. Not only does she struggle, but we struggle too. My sister, brother and I take turns being with her. We can never leave her alone by herself. We have a lady who helps us some with Momma too. 
A few weeks ago, it was Friday afternoon and my turn to be with Momma. I came in the door and I noticed Momma looked different. I asked her how her day had gone. She smiled and said, “I’ve had a good day.” I wanted to know more about her good day. She attends adult day care (we call it school) so I asked her how school had gone that Friday. She answered, “I had a good day at school too.”   
I asked Momma if she felt like riding out to the drug store with me to pick up a refill of one of her medicines. She said she wanted to go. On our trip to the drugstore, we talked just like old times. We stopped at the drive thru and waited our turn in line. Momma was still talking. I got her medicine and proceeded to drive back home. And yes, Momma was still talking. I don’t remember when I’ve enjoyed being able to talk this much with Momma. Usually our trips are quiet. 
Momma slept sound that night and I got up with her only one time. Even then, Momma was still very alert. We woke up Saturday morning to not so good a day. I stopped and thanked the Lord for a good day yesterday and also a good night. I just keep praying for more good days. I’m always grateful for the good ones we are blessed with. I know one day when Momma gets to Heaven, every day will be a good day for her. One day when I get to Heaven too, I’ll join her in praising God for no more fears, tears, pains or sorrows. Thank you Lord for Heaven’s rewards and an eternity of good days!
The Pastor’s Friend
Written by: Author Unknown
Submitted by: Lela Trotter
“The Church is dead” said Brother Brown.
“Its true” said Gossip, “Its sure going down.”
“I’m gonna quit” Brother Gad – bout lowed
“And go where there is a much bigger crowd.”
Sister Selfish too was sure she could see
“Not a soul in church ‘preciates me.”
Said Brother Grumble, “I don’t see why
The Sunday school died and the meeting is dry.”
But good Brother Faithful sat in his place,
The sunshine of heaven a beaming on his face.
The good saint worshipped in prayer and song,
And to him there wasn’t a single thing wrong.
Johnny was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me." his father said.
Johnny replied, "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
+++ The Christian Banner - October 2013 +++
A Child's View of Thunderstorms
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When you read this, you will never think of thunderstorms the same way again.
This will make you smile!
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school.
She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.  At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. More lightning followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, "What are you doing?"  The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

May God bless you today and every day as you face the storms that come your way.
It’s Not About You
Written by: Mark Gregston
If you have kids at home, I want to remind you of something important.  This parenting thing… it’s not about you!
Mom, Dad… Grandparents… this isn’t about us.  It’s about our kids.  Our parenting should not be a display of effort— so our self-esteem is boosted when everyone sees what a good kid we’ve raised.
When a child fails, it’s not a reflection on your worth.  It’s an opportunity to instruct.
We’re not trying to win parent of the year!  Our focus should be on teaching our kids to develop discernment, moral values and compassion for the people around them.  We should keep our eyes off ourselves… and on the precious lives entrusted to us by God.
Remember … it’s not about you!
Residents' Rights Month
October is Residents’ Rights Month. This month, special recognition is given to the work of thousands of individuals who collaborate daily to help assure that dignity, privacy and other basic human rights are maintained in the lives of residents living in long-term care settings.
During October, please try to stop by and say hello to a nursing home resident. Your visit will help brighten their day, and in turn, you may receive a special blessing too.
The following two poems were written by Louise York of Asheboro, NC. Louise was born with severe deformities but went to public schools for 11 years and graduated high school from RCC in Asheboro. At 18 years old, to spare her parents from having to care for her, Louise made her own arrangements to live at Brian Center Nursing Home in Asheboro, NC. Louise was a resident of Brian Center for 38 years until she passed away April 9, 2009. She was 56 years old. In spite of her health problems, Louise was always happy and loved the Lord with all her heart.
The Shepherd
Written by: Louise York
Submitted by: Becky Freeman
We are all sheep in His pasture
With the Shepherd watching over us
He will never grow weary of watching,
If we just give Him our trust.
Oh how much He wants to help us
To give us His joy evermore
Our problems would be so much lighter
Our hearts would be filled with joy.
If we would only follow the Shepherd
And do what He tells us to do
Our lives would be so simple
He died to give this to you.
Someday You’ll Learn to Trust Him
Written by: Louise York
Submitted by: Becky Freeman
Every day you try to do
Those things you have to do,
Never knowing there’s someone
Waiting to help you.
We try to do without Him,
Strangely saying “if it’s the Lord’s will”
Can’t you see He cares about you
And that He always will.
People today must hurt Him
Trying to do their own thing.
He doesn’t will us to struggle,
He’d rather hear us sing.
Someday, I pray, you’ll learn to trust Him
As He would have you to
Seeking His help in everything
Because He careth for you.
A Second Appearance
Written by: Pat Lewallen
I don’t like snakes. The only good snake is a dead snake. This summer, I had a personal encounter with a young black rat snake. It was a Wednesday night and I was still up working at the computer. Finally, I decided it was time for bed. I began checking things in the house before retiring for the night. As I glanced down the hallway, I spotted the snake. (A young black rat snake resembles a copperhead snake too.) It almost scared me to death. How could this snake be in my house? One of us was going to have to leave.
I immediately started screaming out for help. This woke Richard up. I kept screaming that there was a snake in the hallway. Richard came out of the bedroom and he became alarmed too. How would he get the snake out of the house? He told me to get the fly swatter, so I got it and tossed it to him. He walked up the hall toward the snake and I ran into the kitchen. I could hear Richard hitting the snake with the fly swatter. He told me to open the front door so he could throw the snake out. He carried out a limp snake draped over the fly swatter handle. Richard pitched the snake out in the front yard. I went out and saw the snake lying not far from the porch. The next morning I looked for the snake but it was gone. I figured something must have carried it off.
Friday night, two nights later, Richard turned on the front porch light and stepped outside. He hollered out, “Pat, come here, you won’t believe this!” I stepped out on the porch. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was the young black rat snake crawling up the bricks and heading for our front door. What did Richard tell me to get this time? He wanted the fly swatter again. I told him I would get the fireplace shovel but he wanted the fly swatter. I handed the fly swatter out the front door to him and quickly ran into the kitchen. Richard finally called out that he had killed the snake. Richard threw the dead snake farther away from the house this time.
When we got up Saturday morning, I told Richard I had to see the snake again to make sure it was dead. Richard said, “I know I killed it. I used the wire end of the fly swatter this time and it was on concrete and not on carpet.” I told Richard that I didn’t care how dead the snake was, I had to see it myself to know it was really dead. Richard walked out a good ways from the house and held up the dead snake with the fly swatter handle for me to see. I knew for sure then he wouldn’t be back for a third appearance.
I do know of a second appearance that I’m definitely looking forward to. That is the second coming of the Lord. He has promised to return some day to take His children home with Him. That includes me. If you don’t know for sure that you’ll make Heaven your home, then today is the time to ask Jesus into your heart. You can have assurance that He is always with you in this life. No matter what happens here on earth, you’ll know for sure that one day Jesus will call you home to live with Him for all eternity.
Acts 1:11 (KJV)
Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.
John 14:1-3 (KJV)
Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 (KJV)
For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Noah’s Ark in Today’s Society
Submitted by: Bobby Poole
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The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
Billy Graham’s “My Answer”
Why Preach the Bible?
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Why do you preachers quote the Bible all the time? Don't you know it's out of date and utterly useless today? People thousands of year ago might have found it useful, but we live in a different time. — R.R.
My Answer:
If the Bible were truly out of date and useless today, then you'd be right -- it would be foolish for us to turn to it for guidance and inspiration. But it's not out of date -- and I hope you'll come to understand why.
The reason the Bible is just as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago is because it tells us of truths that never change. It tells us, for example, about God -- who He is, what He has done, and what He is like. God, it tells us, is all-knowing and all-powerful, and He made everything that exists -- including us. He also is completely pure and loving. And God is just the same today as He was thousands of years ago -- and as He will be thousands of years from now. The Bible says, "I the Lord do not change" (Malachi 3:6).
But the Bible also tells us about ourselves -- who we are, where we came from, what we're like, and what will happen to us when we die. It tells us also that we are separated from God because of our sins -- but God came down to earth in the person of His Son to bring us back to Himself. This too never changes.
The greatest truth you will ever discover is that God loves you, and He wants you to be part of His family forever. And this can happen, as you commit yourself to Jesus Christ. By faith invite Him into your life today, for "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8).
A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts into the kitchen.
"Careful," he cries. "Be Careful! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble them! Now! We need more butter. They're going to stick! Careful! Now scramble them again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. You always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
The wife turns and asks, "What is wrong with you?"
Her husband calmly replies, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
A husband asked his wife, "Honey, will you love me when I'm old and senile?"
She said, "Of course I do."